I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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