I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So many bounce houses so little time
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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