No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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