If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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