Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
