what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
