You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
