there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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