I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
