Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
