Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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