he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
