the condom got lost in my hair
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like death gave me a hand job
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Randomize
