Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
