brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
