Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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