I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
