I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
