So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
