Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
