woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
