Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
