it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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