You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
