I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
