Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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