we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
