I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
