when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
