dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
