fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
