I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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