first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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