Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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