TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
