I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
