Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.

(720): View more from Colorado

Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.

(303): View more from Colorado

But what if I pay for the gas?

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(613): View more from Ontario

I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup

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(973): View more from New Jersey

just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?

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(951): View more from California

We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.

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(770): View more from Georgia

You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.

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