it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
