2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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