last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
