I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
