Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's shark week go big or go home
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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