Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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