I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
