So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
