They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
