Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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