I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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