Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
