Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
