did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
