repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
